Vandhadhu 2g, ponadhu aatchi, what a lucky idea amma jee!!!

On Friday, Tamil Nadu came closer to West Bengal in spirit than geography will ever allow. There too, the formidable ruling party was defeated by a female arch rival. The only difference was that few saw it coming.  The sad part was that all the poll pundits had DMK listed in for a 50% winning chance, but also gave them this winning chance in the name of the freebies they offered.  Amma owes a big thank you to this man.  He truly made it all possible for her by laying down some simple yet amazing  rules, that took the ruling party by storm.  having been a part of the random car checks for money to be given to the electorate to buy votes, I felt proud that democracy was for once working in a state predominantly ruled by Quarters and Chicken biriyani's and an endless list of freebies.  What amazed me even more this time was the fact that the smart electorate swallowed the freebies but showed that corruption(and including your entire family in it, as if it were a summer vacation plan) was indeed an issue.


While we are on the topic of thanking people, Amma should take time to visit this dude in jail and also erect and garland a statue in a massive state function for him as well as this Fruit language speaking lady .  She should also mention them in her vote of thanks when she takes up office during the swearing in ceremony.  Without them I am sure her inevitable victory would not have been this large.  the tsunami like victory wave that she is riding on now was created by these two "tectonic" plates.  Take a bow I say.  The literary Heir will surely drive the old man "hair"less.  


Having said all this in praise for the current rule, I am still a man overshadowed by doubt and worry.  Worry as to whether the same scenes of inter - party - personal revenge and ceasing of the last party's plans will leave TN a contorted concrete mess, and doubt as to whether Amma can rise above all this and give TN a new shining image after the 2g scam, that has made us the laughing stock of the "Common men" of other states and the cause of envy and jealousy of other politicians.  Above all this what saddens me is the fact that Kalaignar lost so badly, the fact that DMK got an overall lower vote count that DMDK.  After all is said and done regarding this family oriented politics, the man was still a political guru.  His loyalites at least gave him the pleasure of walking out with a majority of over 50,000 votes from Tiruvarur.  The last few months have tested Mr Karunanidhi politically and personally.  His daughter, Kanimzohi, who is an MP and is reported to be his favorite child, could go to jail for allegedly accepting a bribe in the 2G spectrum scam.  The man accused of masterminding that scam  -A Raja - is a senior Dalit leader of the party and is in jail.       








Mr Karunanidhi has been Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu five times.  He has also never lost an election personally since 1957, when he entered electoral politics.  This legislative term could well be the swan song for the ageing patriarch of DMK considering his old age.  One cannot help but to stand up and give this man a thunderous round of applause for the grit he has shown in campaigning from a wheelchair and profanely lying through his nose at this old age regarding his already broken, splintered and highly corrupt family.  When with a withering smile on his face he says "People have given me a rest!", you can only hope that the iron lady does not tear and throw away that letter that Anandhi wrote to "Anbulla Kalaignar Thatha" !


I know I have deviated from my usual carefree way of lethargically writing stuff that usually makes no sense and just fills in space and have touched a more serious note here.  So to end it all, i am going to answer 2 very important questions that the public have right now.  The first regarding Vadivelu and Vijayakanth, what has happened to Vadivel and what will Vijayakanth do with Amma taking the reins all to herself ?  This is answered by this simple phone conversation transcript that I have procured from my undisclosed source at the "Nira_Radia, we shall over tape" conversation erasers anonymous foundation.   please to read the following, for the Tamil "deferentially" able, please to contact someone who knows Tamil  because translating this just won't do.


ஜெ - விஜயகாந்த் அடுத்து ஐந்து வருஷம் கழிச்சி மீட் பண்ணுவோம்.

வி.கா - அது வரை நான் என்ன பண்ண

ஜெ - அதான் ஒரு கைப்புள்ள சிக்கியிருக்கே. ரூம் போட்டு அடிங்க.

வடிவேலு - ????????????


The second question on everyone's mind is, what is SoniaJI doing inviting Amma to a tea party?  Again, I, as always have the answers.  Please to view the image below.

P.S.  Like I have said before and I say today and I will say for ever, DMK would still be in power had they hired the great Makal singam (People's Lion), Maanam ulla Tamilan(Dignified Tamilan) Ondi Pulli (Solo Tiger) Engal anbu annan (Our dear elder brother) TR .. A piece of advice to any DMK cadre reading this, forget the other allies, contact LDMK for assured victory.


P.P.S.  Anyone who has any updates on Vadivel's condition please to contact me.  Sound of in the comments section below.  The last update as far as I have, is this picture(Something I tried to compile in office using MSpaint) :

P.P.P.S... Dear Amma, my sister is in 12th, so is she eligible for the Laptop scheme and can you please make it a Macbook air.  Nothing too costly!!

"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right."  
~H.L. Mencken~

Read more at: http://drop.ndtv.com/ndtv/articles/people-have-given-me-rest-karunanidhi-105511.html?pfrom=home-Top-Stories&cp

Read more at: http://drop.ndtv.com/ndtv/articles/people-have-given-me-rest-karunanidhi-105511.html?pfrom=home-Top-Stories&cp

Vaanam - “Unmayileye love-aa?”

Before I get into a full fledged review of this movie that, shall we say, was easily the best Tamil "Entertainer" I have seen this year.  Note the deliberate use of the quotes,  I will get to the reason for them later.  But first, some one please clarify this for me, why in a billion blue blazes is Bharat called Chinna Thalapathy?  Hasn't the ilaiya thalapathi done enough damage to our sense already?  But he did live up to the name in this flick, he was so pathetic in his acting, I am sure that, somewhere, Vijay was rejoicing the fact that there is an Actor worse than him.


Before I saw Vanam, i had already seen Vedam and was completely mesmerized with Allu Arjun's amazing portrayal of a get-rich-quick-scheming-guilt ridden soul, but what I was not ready for was the fact that Simbu, better known as "Sombu" among his haters(thats right, that guy had no fans till VTV, or even the ones he had where ashamed to come out "of the closet") could pull off that role with ease and not overtly use his hands as he does in all his other movies till date.  The fact that the movie reminds you of Babel and other Alejandro Gonzallez movies should be the least of your worries.  If not for directors "Adapting" foreign movies and english music tracks, how is your everyday India Kudimagan(Drunk son/commonly called citi(zen)jun) going to get some international exposure?


A beautiful song reflecting the ultimate tone of the movie "Dheivam vaazhvadhu yenge? Thavarugal unarum manidhargal nenjil" is spoilt with Bharath opening the movie with his fake rocker boy attitude and complete lack of guitar chord holding skills.  Why have two songs back to back?  If you had too, then why not go for a melody?  Even if slash played the lead and you super imposed Bharat with the guitar to that music, it would still leave a bad taste in all your mouths, trust me on this.  He is the worst thing that happened to the movie.  But never fear, since our man, Santhanam is here.  You are so engrossed with laughing your head off at Santhanams comedy and trying to understand his underlying puns, that the next scene, which usually throws Bharat into your face, is either missed, or just passed off with a shrug.  I feel bad for Vega, who must have undergone a lot of training to sound like the dumb idiot wanna be bimbo that she does sound exactly like, to be cast opposite this over shadowing monstrosity!  Talking of Monstrosity's, Who the hell is this Female:

  
And where the hell is the uber cute Sneha Ullal.  I am disappoint!...so much that i ahve nothing to say about her.  Her dog britney in the movie did a much better performance than she did.  She had two expressions throughout the entire movie, "wanna be rich gal happy" and "wanna be rich girl dumbified".  Even when she slightly pecks Simbhu on his lips and reassures him, there is no feeling, you as the audience, feel nothing at all. Bland and Blah!


How do you plan a film with so many intersecting stories when half the story strands are simply not interesting enough?  The movie could have been a production to reckon with had the director invested a little more time and effort in tying the knots better than letting his characters, right from Bharat to the young kid mouth out his moral policies!  And again only someone as Uber Pathetic and cheesy as Bharat, can ruin a beautiful scene with the mineral water being used to explain religion.  Stop with the fake accent already, we get it, you are a rock star!  And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out where these locations they claim to be the Bangalore<==>Chennai highway actually are?


People(Especially the Female Kind) feel that you could've removed Anushka from the movie and not missed a thing, to them I say...."Be a Man!!!" and then you would understand! ;)


The fact that Simbu has kept his otherwise unruly fingers under control is a big plus for him.  Even in the big climax scene, we were all looking forward to some Veral Vitthai(Finger stunt), but were presently pleased and surprised.  And the F-word in Evan di unna pethan  is a first in tamil movies, if I am not mistaken.  


People made fun of the dubbing and the cut, copy and paste feel of few scenes of Anushka's.  To them i say, "Do you know a one miss.Shriya, or the ever bubble gum chewing and badly lip syncing Sarah-Jane_Dias.  Case Dismissed!


Overall a fun watch with a really nice message.  We have seen the likes of Aayitha Ezhuthu that took us through its lives-converging trajectories with far more sophistication(thus the quotes around entertainer in the beginning)  , but hey that is Mani!!  So in the End, please give it up for Krish and my main Man Sombu...I am Simbu!!!  Take a bow...you guys deserve it!!!


(P.S. For those of you who are wondering why i haven't spoken about Prakash Raj and Saranya, I say in the words of Santhanam "Naan innum avalavu periya appataicker agalainga!!!" (I humbly accept that I am still not such a big wig movie critic to review and comment on the likes of them))

Belated Mothers Day Wishes

Due to a small problem with my PC, I was unable to make a post this mothers day, maybe destiny has it that I am supposed to make this post next mothers day(2012).

Anywho, here is a salute to all mothers all around the world...where would we be without your love and support!

And as a mothers day special request, from my mother, and the girl,(whom I hope will be the mother of my future children) I have shed the Malinga like hairstyle I have sported for sometime in favor of a shorter crew cut, and believe me it actually works for this scorching summer in Chennai!

Well, they always said, Mother knows best!!!

300 - THIS IS MY BLOG!!!

I promised a friend and one of my all time favorite seniors that I would change the color scheme of my blog from the dark unsettling feeling it portrayed at the beginning to something more softer and lighter when i cross 300 visitors.

And my blog has got 300 visitors....thus the 300 title.

I AM SO HAPPY....we shall dine in munniyandi vilas in celebration tonight!




If bad reviews and comments shall cover the sun, i shall blog in the shade ;)






Thank you all for the support extended till date!! Keep reading many more interesting posts to come!

Full Rhyming due to lot of free timing......

Inspired by the gr8 limerick battle between blogging's biggest people I too have decided to try my hand at limer-licking!!!


Please find below a collection of my attempt at limericking...I have not been entirely honest in this attempt and have been "inspired" by a few other limericks that come to memory.  By inspired i do not mean copied, for those who went, "ahhh!!! i know" when they noticed the quotes around inspired.


Sound off any "peelings" in the comments below:



5 line poetry is furtive and mean


She can be used to put semma peter like scene


But she must be kept sober


Or ur rhyme becomes a mix of black and beiber


Irritatingly loud, drunk and obscene.


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There once was and still is a director named TR


He had no sense common or a proper team for his PR


misunderstood, pot bellied, flabby and fat


He was a man who didn't give a damn about that


and lived happily ever after like King Lear

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There was a young limmerick fan from chennai

Who wrote limmericks like a vennai

his verses were fine

until the fourth line

???????????

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There was once a blogger called Gishnu,

He looked like a bad version of winnie the pooh

He put semma mokkai photos as a facebook post

But the comments below were the toast

causing him to stop posting anything new

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God started creation with a wonderful beginning,

But Man spoilt his future by sinning;

We trust that the present story

Will end in great glory,

But at present the other side's winning.

Thats all i have for now...more to come when inspiration strikes.....

Obama Bins Laden..or whatever the news vultures call it!!

Say what you will about the last week, but one thing it hasn't been is a slow news cycle.

While I have no intention of re-treading over ground covered by journalists, politicians and anyone with a blog(myself included your honor!!!), I did want to get my 90 paise(or how much ever the conversion rate for the day is) in the blog-o-sphere!

I don't celebrate death, whatever the cause. I won't cheer all around for a life lost, that's never what I choose to focus on. I find it unproductive and uninspiring. Rather, If the bastard who was forced to trip and fall over the bucket was as bad as the devil and took many innocent lives, I make fun, a mockery rather, than do the right thing of finding and pissing on his grave.  On the same note, all the guys who go into the water at the beach and ease themselves, can now claim to have pissed on Osama's grave!


This post is regarding the greatest playa of hide and seek who ever lived!  A man, who when the US of A said "OK now its your turn to hide", took it to heart to stay hidden.  Sadly as vadivel katti kuduthufied ("ratted out" for the Chennai bashai ignorant) a young kabali in for 50p, I honestly believe Zardari and his boys let down our poor champ.  The irony of the whole situation is that, Pakistan is not safe for Osama, but Ajmal Kasab is all safe in Hindustan!  


Maybe it's the optimist in me, despite being on this planet for 24-odd years, but it's my choice. I'll celebrate the heroes and leave the villains to their fate(but mock the crap out of them first).

Gujal, Jolly and Jalsa. That's my poison...


And on a completely different note, for all those who thought that the times of media FUD regarding dictators and Terrorists is over after the death of this great Playa, i say think again.  They have a new ace up their sleeve, please for me to explain, see the below: 

I say, you should have added Rebecca black to that list as well!! That bitch ruined Friday for us all!!! Which bodily orifice should she be shot in, or should we create a new one for her! Bitch Please!


Happy Friday everyone!!  Have an awesome weekend!!!

"A true outlaw finds the balance between the passion in his heart and the reason in his mind. The outcome is the balance of might and right."
- from Sons of Anarchy (2008)

A Speck in the Universe....Or Not!!!

In the beginning...in the vast darkness called space, one thing led to another and BANG!, a Big Bang occurred.  Or as others would have you believe a very large man, with flowing white robes and a beard to match, created all things great and wonderful, all creatures big and small.  To all the people who make such claims, I have one quick question I need clarified, "Does he know that you are claiming this imperfect dump and the residents of it to be his handiwork?".  No Answer, I didn't think so.  No offence to the big guy up there, but he knows i'm saving his reputation.  Something this bad and messed up does not belong in the resume of a supreme being.

So where were we?, Ah! Yes!, in the beginning.  Now once the universe was created from that huge bang, or by the big guy, whatever makes you happy, the message that early man derived from the universe was plain and simple.  As we stared up into the starry skies, our species slowly realized that, yes, they were the superior species on this planet, but, out there, in comparison to the entire universe, we were INSIGNIFICANT specks.  We were tiny little specks, dwarfed by the tiniest objects in the heavens.  Man resigned to this fate, and worshiped nature for it's abundance.

As time went by and scientific progress was made, the intellectually and mentally superior members of the species stumbled upon many new ways of thinking.  All this led to many theories, one of which was the Chaos theory.  A theory that gave man a little power over the universe, because, according to this theory, man's slightest action can cause chain reactions that propagate forward and eventually reach all of space and time.  Some recognition finally.  Ha Ha to you Universe.  My flipping the bird can actually cause some damage to your structure, well not right away, but eventually! So There!

With that happy thought in mind, man moved his scientific progress forward, making more and more discoveries, each one boosting his ego a little bit more than the last one until he stumbled upon one more crazy theorem to destroy his little castle in the sky, Causality!  This theorem, in layman's terms, is to mankind what a emasculating, nit picking wife was to a hen picked husband.  It took away all the credibility to our actions, by stating that our "actions" were merely a result of our chemical structure at a given time.  Looks like the universe wins again, thanks to mans newly acquired knowledge.  We could now hear the universe sniggering all around us.

Little did the universe know, we had a secret weapon in our bags.  A weapon so powerful that humans themselves found it hard to control and comprehend.  The only people who could do it successfully ended up looking like this guy:

Presenting to you Quantum Mechanisms!  This subject ended up giving us answers to the complications that causality presented.  It told us that Causality was lying, also it was not lying and it was a superposition of lying and not lying.  This left the rest of us confused.  I mean seriously confused.

All this confusion led mankind's fickle mind to wander and we easily landed on the arts to shelter us from the complications that is science.  Like a welcoming mistress, art hugged us to her flowery bosom and let us know that there were a lot of neat things invented using arts to distract us from the void of meaning that is existence. Mankind was relieved.  Finally, we had a place that answered more questions than it created.  The Raphaels and the Picassos now had their time in the lime light.  It was their moment in the sun.  But not for long, like dew on the grass, the sun of science can be a harsh mistress......

Enter Postmodernism!  It did not complicate things.  It did not confuse us, rather it aggravated us, it agitated the scientific community that had spent a better part of their "fun" life searching for a meaning to their existence.  Existence is void of meaning it said!  "What????" Screamed the scientific community in unison......(WTF?? should have been a better expression, but I am sure the F word had not yet been used as a profanity, rather as a sign - Fornication Under Consent of King .. but thats a story for another day!!)  A few of them vexed with this rubbish decided to end it all....but in here stepped Evolution...with a simpler message. "No Human, you cannot!  You are not programmed to do so!! Ha Ha!!".....

Humanity, unwilling to be outdone by Evolution, decided to head down into Hedonism....a simple job you would think, but sadly, NO!..we were "Clock" blocked by Economics, which very simply said "Dude, you can't afford it!".  Mankind stepped back and resigned to it's fate.  Or so it appeared.  As our Economic stability increased our resources and our knowledge came to an equal level, we could create anything we could possibly imagine.  So, man raised his hand in defiance of reality, bent four fingers leaving the middle one standing strong and tall, as he walked into the realm of virtual reality.  A place where we are in charge and everything works the way we want!!!  As man sat back and gloated on his achievement, in the alternate reality he had himself created for none other than himself, a small thought crossed his mind....a tiny one at the back of his head...and he smiled to himself.  FEELS LIKE GOD!!....

As he basked in the glory of his achievement and the point he had reached in development man was now faced with a harsher reality.  In Evoulution simulations, even simple machine develop lying and cheating.  It seems to be a given in evolution, which means it's a rule for any self-replicating system anywhere in reality and any reality for that matter. Which means there is a universal law as fundemental as the charge of a quark or conservation of energy.... "WHERE THERE IS LIFE, THERE ARE DICKHEADS"

Every 1 minute a dickhead is born! True Story

The End!....Or is it!????


Picture courtesy of this, this and that site!

And I recommend that you folks visit smbc.  A site that got me thinking on everything from god to penis jokes!  A read for the demented little freak in us all!  I call it that silent voice inside!

Happy Easter

Here is wishing my Friends and Fans all around the world a Happy Easter!!!!

The enormity of the F^%k that I do not give!!

Every man is put on Earth condemned to die, time and method of execution unknown.


But every once in a while, we are all put through situations where you would like to just shoot yourself in the head or have somebody sever your jugular vein.  For some people this situation arises when they are in a very hurtful or humiliating situation, where all they can wish for is the ground to open up and swallow them whole, whereas for others, inclusive of yours truly this point comes when you have someone eating your brain out with a matter or a problem that you obviously don't give a rats tiny posterior about. (Note the struggle I face to find a worthy euphemism to express my heartfelt anguish)

Long before the advent of the "Internets" these kind of situations where only possible when you met the person face to face, or as illustrated above, via the amazing miracle machine invented by the great bell, who for some reason I believe was on some heavy drugs.  Why else would someone think about finding a way to talk to somebody who is not even there.  The name graham is a code for "gram", thats the amount of Coke he sniffed before he decided that he wanted to talk to somebody, and then since there was no one there and he had a bit of genius in him, TADA!!! - The world gets the telephone.  Don't get me wrong, I respect Mr.Bell, and I have nothing against him, but there is no way in hell he wasn't high when he was do(p)ing this, the same goes for newton and the others, but we'll talk about that some other day.  


Getting back to the matter at hand, since that fateful day Watson was summoned by that machine, mankind now was separated into 10 groups, those who understood binary, and those who didn't...well i was kidding there, but I had to sneak that joke in there somewhere, it cracks me up all the time! Ok, Seriously, it divided mankind into two groups, those who called and blabbered their hearts out, and those who sat there at the other side of the phone watching the great antics of lolcats or the double rainbow guy as they said, "aha, ahem, sure, ok, yeah, I understand, u right dawg, boo ya my boy etc.," , but at the back of their minds the thought that was screaming the loudest would have clearly been "Do you still not understand the enormity of the F^(k that i do not give!!???!!".  Again, I am not justifying or saying that I have never done this, but I have a good excuse for this....I was drunk the crap outta my mind when i did this!!! and I do forgive my drunk friends, but its when the sane idiots do this that i loose it....Why why why!!!!! 


Call it frustration or just a basic lack of understanding of human nature; but why is it that some guys tend to open up to random women pouring out their sorrows and emotions, when you can clearly see that she is not interested in your whining/philosophical discosure and she's desperately looking for a way to get out of there....think people think, it's not illegal as yet!!!!


And sadly for us, the tortured ones, inventions did not end with the telephone, it was followed by the cellular phone, and then came blogs,social networks and micro blogging facilities, which facilitated the whiner to whine in style and eased their whining requirements.  Something like, Electronic mail helps you to get mail across in a second across hundreds of miles, Ewhine (Copyright pending).,  helps you send your whine across a thousand miles in the blink of an eye and also you can publish it too every tom whose dick is harry who gives a crap about what is bothering you!!!  I for one support micro blogging, because it limits it to micro whining.  For example, instead of reading 420 characters of wah wah wah in Facebook, i'm quite happy with 140 characters in twitter, at least it encourages you to whine with some imagination, or what I call imagiwhinig, something which I plan to inculcate as part of my new religion Chrinduism as a substitution for the Christian confessional and whatever equivalent they have in other religions, but I will bore you with details regarding this in later posts...like i always say, the best is yet to come!!!   


But not to worry oh Laadies and Gentlemans of the weaker kind, the group that is being killed and driven to a quick death because of these cubicle blocking, internet blog whining, social network sympathy seeking sociopaths, I, as always am here to save the day.  I offer you the solution to save yourself from these people, and actually enable you to walk away from there happier for the experience.  But before I spread out my gyaan to you here is a picture to beat the bloody double rainbow guy, something i vowed to post once i had a blog in my name...

(Sorry People, but i had to remove this awesome pic, as it did not stand up to the "Indian family values..contact me via the comments section and i will send you all a free copy of the same....)
                       (Beat this Double rainbow dope head!!!!...yeah)


If the gentleemen have finished staring and the laadies have finished swearing at me..let us go ahead with the solution to the above discussed problem.


I have divided the solution into three parts, Solution 1 for the chronic whiner who uses all means of technology, Solution 2 for the "non drunk, call you at midnight, just because his fish didn't smile back at him" case and Solution 3 for the budding whiner and how you can nip him at the bud and make the world a better place.  Wow!!!! just listing it out makes me feel so nice!!!


Solution 1


Cheering them up doesn't work

As in "Oh, it can't be that bad", "Come on, cheer up" or the perennial favorite "Time heals all wounds". Saying things like this shows the whinerer that you're not taking their pain seriously. When you tell a whiner "it's not that bad", he/she will often complain even harder to convince you (and himself/herself) that his problems are very serious indeed, and if you try to get away from the phone call where it all started, you will have a pop up on your phone with the latest status update on every single one of their social networking profiles which goes something like "I am a door mat and was walked over by yet another girl/boy and am now posting this so you will all go like aww...cho shad sweety pie etc.,"  I say let the little prick know you don't give a fuck, don't go about with those pseudo solutions you always offer, but go straight to the chassis....instead of stating clichéd "it'll all be fine' statements, please to refer to my De-motivators for inspiration.  The best and most effective one that I have used and actually have had results is "Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots." 


You can try that one or you can pick your favorite one or you can mix and match, the choice is all yours.  The so called westernization of our culture has led to the default regional settings of an Indian to be "Loud, obnoxious, and destructive!".  Eventually our culture will devolve into groups of people shouting at each other as loud as they can while horrible noises play in the background....  Since this destruction is inevitable, I say go ahead - scream some sense into that whiner now, if it leads him to kill himself or some drastic shit, well as Darwin said, survival of the fittest.  Let's just say we let nature take it's course and we just gave it a little push to go  faster.  Greenpeace/The Nobel peace prize Committee should actually should award us!!!!


Solution 2


And then there are the guys who aren't chronic whiners, but they whine at the silliest things.  I had a friend, who actually felt bad that his goldfish "Goldy" didn't smile at him like it used to...I spent quite a number of hours wondering if his excessive weed abuse had led his mind to get stuck on the setting "stupid".  For these kinda Semi Whiners, I recommend that, as a caring and concerned well wisher, you introduce them to the bigger problems and bigger realities of life.  if he has a problem with his goldfish goldy, make sure his girlfriend thinks he has a problem with a "goldy", you don't have to mention it's his goldfish, what kind of a bad girlfriend is she when she doesn't know his gold fishes names!  So technically, you are distracting his mind from the smaller issues.  This would mean that he would either become a non whiner and a more responsible person, else, he is gonna become a chronic whiner as shown in case 1.  Now you don't have to worry if that happens, because you already have the solution for that, please look above, and as previously mentioned/cautioned, if he decides to do a drastic thing like ending his life, it is just nature taking it's course and "weed"ing away the unnecessary...you know...items!!!

(When she is stupid enough to whine about something as silly as which seat she should take...Help Her!)


Solution 3


This should be the simplest solution of them all...if I have to say it in "n word" terms, it would sound something like "Keep your Pimp hand strong and bitch slap the N-word ova his head!!!"...in normal terms that would transliterate to "1 TIGHT SLAP" Followed by the words "Quit whining bitch!"  It can work for both the sexes!!!  You are doing a service to humanity,  you have reduced noise pollution, as whiners whine in a very high irritating pitch, and you are making our social networks a safer place!!! No sudden whines jumping into your face now.

                     (Remember to Keep your Pimp hand strong!!!)


A few key end points to make sure that you successfully implement these solutions:


1. Whining about the Whiner doesn't work"Damn, that <Insert Name here> complains a lot doesn't he/she?" Guess what, you just became a Whiner too B) !


2. Ignoring them/ avoiding them doesn't workThis makes the whiners clamor for attention even more - which usually makes people ignore them even more. That's a vicious cycle right there.


3. Whining along with them doesn't work"You know what, you're right, the boss IS a jerk. And the weather sucks. In fact everything sucks. And Goldy hates me too!!!!!" This can be kind of cosy because it creates bonding and an us-against-the-world feeling. But ultimately it's a bad idea because the more people whine the less prone they are to doing something about their problems.


So try this approach on your "favorite" Whiner and tell me how it goes.


P.S. Always remember that you are unique and imperfect, just like everybody else!!  So when you feel the need to whine set in, slap yourself and think "What would Arvind do!?"...It's helped me a lot, true story!!




P.P.S. Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what your bank account was, the sort of house you lived in, or the kind of car you drove... But the world may be different because you did something so bafflingly crazy like making it a Whine free place, that your ruins become a tourist attraction....but even then you'll never be as awesome as this kid:

When i die, i want either Charlie sheen's or this kid's life to flash in front of my eyes!!! 










(Picture Courtesy: This site and this one )

Beginners Guide to India...Part 1

This is a little mini series i plan on continuing on this blog to help our Firangi friends when they set foot in our great country.

Lesson 1:  Quick method of identifying where you are in India when you don't have a map or GPS at your disposal.

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and.
They start arguing about who’s right.
You are in KOLKATA

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,sees them and walks on.
That’s MUMBAI

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That’s DELHI

Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their Friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in AMRITSAR

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software Program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b’cos of a bug in the program.
That’s BANGALORE

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that “AMMA” doesn’t like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That’s CHENNAI

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home being friends.
You are in GOA

Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a tea-stall & a thattukada (dhaba)…
U R NOW IN KERALA


YOU DON'T MEET MALLUS, THEY HAPPEN TO YOU!!!! Fraud mallu Ki jai!!!


Source: Email from Sabarish Devasigamani

Alternate Termination for Inception...

Inception Ending: So you know how everyone thinks that the top is Cobb's totem, but in the beginning he mentions that it's actually Mal's?  Well, you see if it's not his totem, then it's not going to work properly for him.  Cobb's totem is his WEDDING RING.  Whenever he's dreaming he has a wedding ring on because, as he says, in his dreams they're still together.  In reality, he's not wearing a ring.  During the last scene of the movie, he's not wearing a ring. REALITY...Boo Yaa!!!!


Reposted from one of my old office notepad entries...have no memory whether i read this somewhere or just got it as a mail!

Be a man they said.....

A child's imagination is a peculiar thing.

It can turn cardboard boxes into rocketships, 

and stuffed teddy bears into best friends. 

But as they grow, the innocence of a child's imagination fades into the light of adulthood. 

Or, as in my case, eclipsed by the bleakness of insanity.

Rolling Model!

GET A CALCULATOR, IF NEEDED, (YOUR COMPUTER HAS ONE ON IT)

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3

4) You ' ll get a 2 or 3 digit number....

5) Add the digits together

Now Scroll down ..............

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******

****

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*

*

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Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Einstein

2. Nelson Mandela

3. Abraham Lincoln

4. Helen Keller

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. George Clooney

8. Thomas Edison

9. Arvind David

10. Ronald Reagan

I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me... Believe it!

P.S.: Stop picking different numbers. I am your role model, just deal

with it!!!!

Demotivators!!!

There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.   They are the people you meet everyday asking you questions about everything under the sun...people who believe that they are motivating you to perform to your fullest.  Please find below a list of Demotivators....Quotations and cynical answers for those people who appear dumb in our piercing, brilliant eyes!!


Worth
Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.


Wishes
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.


Wisdom
Sometimes the only difference between a budding genius and a blooming idiot is where they choose to take a stand.


Wealth
All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can't buy happiness.


Vision
How can the future be so hard to predict when all of my worst fears keep coming true?


Victory
Winners never fly higher than when they're bouncing up and down on the egos of those they defeat.


Underachievement
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.


Trouble
Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.


Tradition
Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.


Teamwork
A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.


Synergy
A code word lazy people use when they want you to do all the work.


Survival
The less you stand out, the longer you'll last.


Success
Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.


Stupidity
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.


Service
View all clients as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically buried under manure.


The Secret of success
What is The Secret? Pretend you've already achieved it- Then offer to sell The Secret to others.


Sanity
Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.


Sacrifice
Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.


Risks
If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.


Retirement
Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left we can use.


Regret
It hurts to admit when you make mistakes - but when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second.


Priorities
Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.


Problems
No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them


Pessimism
Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.


Perspective
Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks pathetic.


Perseverance
The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.


Overconfidence
Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.


Motivation
If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.


Mistakes
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.


Mercy
Teach every child you meet the importance of forgiveness. It's our only hope of surviving their wrath once they realize just how badly we've screwed things up for them.


Madness
Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?"


Maturity
If you're tired of others looking down on you, grow the hell up.


Mediocrity
It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.


Losing
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.


Irresponsibility
No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.


Laziness
Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running.


Intimidation
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withhold that from your superiors.


Insight
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
The smart left a long time ago.


Indifference
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.


Indecision
The mark of the leader is the ability to make decisions. The mark of the survivor is knowing when not to.


Incompetence
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.


Ignorance
It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.


Idiocy
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


Hazards
There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.


Get To Work
You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.


Flattery
If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom


Excuses
If you keep asking others to give you the benefit of the doubt, they'll eventually start to doubt your benefit.


Elitism
It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.


Economics
The science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn't come true today.


Destiny
You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.


Despair
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.


Delusions
There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality.


Dare Slack
When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.


Curiosity
Some Places Remain Unknown Because No One Has Ventured Forth. Others Remain So Because No One Has Ever Come Back.


Corruption
I want either less corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.


Consulting
If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.


Change (winds)
When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly projectiles.


Cluelessness
There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.


Collaboration
When a motivated group of people join together, they can turn problems into opportunities. Especially drinking problems.


Blame
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.


Challenges
I expected times like this - but I never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.


Beauty
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.


Adversity
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.